Last Wednesday, I celebrated a milestone birthday.
I've been lucky enough to work for companies where birthdays are a big deal!
It's nice to be celebrated, although it does take some getting used to. (I consider accepting a celebration of oneself an important act of self-care.)
Birthday celebrations are a way to say to a person, "You matter, we like you, and we're glad you are here."
Employees returning to work after a significant loss need to hear the same thing!
So how do you do that?
I recently worked with a client whose husband died. She was rightfully nervous about how she would be treated and what unintentionally cruel things her well-meaning coworkers would say. She didn't know how people would react if she started crying.
She understood that her coworkers were just as ill-prepared as she was! I worked with her, her boss, and her team to ensure that her transition back to work, one of the most challenging transitions an employee and team can face, went as well as possible. (Notice how I didn't say smoothly! With grief, there is no "smooth!" There is really awkward and not as awkward.)
Heading back to work after a death is hard … for everyone!
So, I thought I'd share a few things you can do as a leader or HR professional to decrease the awkward transition.
✅ Decorate their office, not with balloons or streamers, but with condolence notes and flowers. (I'll do a video on how to write a condolence note in a few weeks!)
✅ Before they return to work, educate the team on what to say and, more importantly, what NOT to say.
✅ Before the employee returns to work, ensure they meet with someone who can relay their desires. For instance, this client did not want anyone to ask how the boys were doing. It was excruciating for her to think about the loss of their father.
✅ Give the leader guidelines on what kind of productivity to expect from the grieving person.
✅ Help the leaders set sound and clear expectations that will help avoid frustrations and future performance issues that often arise from misaligned expectations.
✅ Don't be afraid of tears - their or yours.
There are those who are reading this and thinking, "I would be so uncomfortable. I wouldn't want anyone to acknowledge my loss." And to you, I say this respectfully:
Until you have lost someone significant, you do not know what you will or won't want.
Look, death is isolating and scary and can make anyone feel like they're crazy.
The point is to acknowledge the loss respectfully, kindly, non-intrusively, and lovingly. And that can only be done when everyone has a clue about what to do, say, and expect.
I will close today's video with a quote from my 7-year-old son, six months after his father died. He said,
"It's hard. I want people to remember that I'm different inside, but I don't want them to treat me that much differently."
Struggling to support a grieving employee? Our expert guidance can help you create a supportive and productive work environment. Learn how to:
Foster empathy and understanding
Facilitate open communication
Maintain productivity while navigating loss
Reach out to me today for personalized solutions!
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